Saturday, October 1, 2011

i hate people

seriously, i have 4 tests and 3 interviews next week, and i need to focus on my work and interview prep, but everyone is driving me crazy. people are so annoying and lazy.

my bitch-face roommate meg is driving me insane. this girl can be described by using every profane word in the dictionary. she confronted me about how dirty it is. bitch please, i'm the cleanest and busiest person in this apartment. her tone is annoying. her face is annoying. she is annoying. then she goes grocery shopping with out when he had a talk about how we both don't have cars and how we'd help each other out. i told her to please tell me when they went, and she said oh sorry it was spontaneous. uhh okay, you're inconsiderate and self absorbed.

second, my guy friend and i hung out a bunch. i took a break from my bf this last week, because i was so busy. i didn't tell my guy friend, because i didn't want him to change his behavior. things were great for a few days, but then he went back to being an ass hole. surprise surprise. i asked him if he would pick a relationship or a career, and he gave me some stupid, incorrect, assumption based answers. here's part of it:

"you're implying the two are mutually exclusive, and you're also assuming success is defined as something confined to income (no, i didn't...) means something different to everyone. doesn't have to be about income at all...blah blah"

ok i asked you a simple question...

"career and relationship SHOULD go hand in hand pretty effortlessly."

NO they don't. a relationship isn't effortless by itself. believe me. i'm actually in this position.

dumb. stop trying to prove you're smart. no one cares...

my third complaint is when people waste my time. make up your mind and show up on time. don't leave me waiting. my time is precious right now.

seriously though, the only person you can depend on is yourself. people suck.


Saturday, September 24, 2011


what's good? i love y'all :)

here's whats up...

life's been chill. hanging with friends and whatever. meg & paula are still super clique ish. i had a breakdown last sunday, because i was so frustrated about life and how people treat me in general. here's a list of things that were pissing me off

1) the fact that she didn't invite me to breakfast
2) the fact that they wouldn't wait an hour to take my grocery shopping
3) the fact that my guy friend was being all sweet all weekend and going out of his way to text me in the morning, tell me he missed me, and even all me "babe," "pumpkin," & "hottie." he knew i was having a shitty day, but when he got back to school on sunday from a weekend at home he texted me "wish i could come hang out, but the neighbor girls say i have to come over and have banana pancakes with them and hang out cuz i didn't play kickball with them friday :-/"

seriously, i asked you to hangout friday too, but you couldn't. what if i "made you" hang out with me? you dont HAVE TO do anything. you make your own choices. you have your own priorities. if coming and hanging out with you"best friend" after she's had a shitty day isn't a good enough reason to say no to the girls you've known for 3 weeks, then i just don't think you should call me a best friend.

my friend ryan came over though. he was willing to say no to the neighbors for his friend. we had a great discussion :) i just need to stop being such a softie. i'll learn slowly but surely.

anyways, i've seen my guy friend like three times this week. it was fine. i'm not going to over analyze the situation. i don't have enough time, because...

i have exam week starting the third, and i will also mostly likely have TWO interviews :/ i'm kinda nervous. i really want one of them badly. wish me luck!

oh & i'm also the new vice chair for the judical board. makin' moves!

"oh, this could be a really good life"

Sunday, September 18, 2011

dreary sunday

life update:

friday was insanely productive. i went to a career fair, then judicial board, and then spent six hours in the library with my friend ryan.

saturday was a shit show. my crazy friend michael came over at ten a.m. with beverages in hand. we went to the tailgate and i saw all of my close friends that i missed so much. it was a lot of fun. i came back from tail gate, slept, chilled, and did some homework. i really wanted to skype with my boyfriend and go to bed early, but my roommate meg's brother was over and they needed a ride back from the bars.

#1) i have never driven around campus
#2) i was tired as &#*@
#3) i wanted to skype with my bf for the first time this week
#4) i wanted to go to bed early bc i had a three hour retreat in the morning

but no, i knew that if i was at a bar i would want someone to pick me up, so i stayed up and skipped the skyping to drive them all home.

before we went to bed, meg asked my other roommate paula to go to breakfast with her and her brother in front of me and left together in the morning. are you serious? that is so incredibly inconsiderate. i did you a huge favor and you exclude me from breakfast? who does that? rude.

as if that wasn't enough, i needed to go grocery shopping with them, and we always go on sunday. while i was at my retreat i got a text from paula asking if i needed to go shopping. i said yes and asked when they were going. they said they were going now, because they already went outside. they couldn't walk back in the building and wait an hour for me? i'm busy. i'm not just an elementary ed student with tons of free time to puzzle race. plus i don't have a car on campus. extra rude.

i'm so annoyed. i treat others with respect and kindness, because that's how would like to be treated in return. maybe some people just aren't worth it.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

imma fool

i got two stories for you kiddos today.

#1 yesterday i went to the library and hung out with my guy friend. everything was just freakin' like last year. we came back to my place and hung out till 2 am. seriously, why am i so stupid/easy? he's treated me like shit, right? after one day i'm putty in his hands. i am so weak. i keep trying to think of things to say to defend myself when people, like my roommates, ask me why i'm hanging out with him after crying/complaining/and talking about him, but there is no solid defense for what i'm doing. I KNOW IT, BUT I CAN'T STOP! why am i soo incredibly dumb?'ll probably getting shitty again. expect the worst. hope for the best.

#2 i'm going to india for three weeks over winter break. lot's of mixed feelings here.

the positive:
i haven't seen my dad's parents in forever. i love them, and i love madras
now is one of the only times i'll be able to go & i haven't gone since 2007
i feel like if i don't go now, i will regret this in the future.

the negative
i've never traveled by myself, yet alone in a foreign country and five different planes
i'm going to miss seeing my wife and my boyfriend
i have to visit my mom's parents in calcutta. i hate calcutta and it's just going to be five awkward days
i'm going to miss christmas, and i'll be really out of it for new years

ah, i don't know how i feel right now...

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

walked all over

i realized something. i'm too polite. i hold my tongue back way too much. these are my thoughts, and it's okay to have outrageous, emotion thoughts. it's not because i'm a girl. it's not because i'm over dramatic. it's not "hormonal." it's because this is the way i feel at this moment, and there's nothing "wrong" about it.


stop it with the mind games. stop it with the yo-yoing relationship. stop being indecisive. just be my friend or leave me alone. i'm a good person and i've done nothing but been kind and respectful.

yesterday i was sad, but today i'm just frustrated.

don't tell me you want to hang out, and then not talk to me. don't text me "how are you?" and then not respond after i text you back. don't ignore me when i message you "11:11" and you're on facebook. don't ignore pictures that i put up of our past friendship. don't think all my actions revolve around you. you're not that important/great/necessary.

be kind and treat people with respect. i'm not asking for anything outrageous.

i'm so nieve. not all people are good people. a year isn't long enough to truly know who someone is. people have bad intentions. people are rude. people can treat nice people poorly.

one last thing. i found this quote that i totally agree with right now

"Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering."

Sunday, September 11, 2011

& boys will be boys...

last night i did homework till one and then skyped my boyfriend. it was just fine, but after we skyped he started texting me and told me about how it bothers him when i joke around and say "you're not getting laid tonight!" when he does something weird or funny or w.e. to me it was just a joke. that's just my sense of humor, but i guess it bothered him a lot. anyway it became this weird argument and discussion. i said i was sorry and that i'd stop, but i also said there are going to be times when it's going to be hard for me to change. i'm just a goof and i say things without thinking, and he over analyzes everything i say.

for example i did 3 internship apps this friday, and he told me he did one, and he was like woah you're so good! i basically said i was half ass-ing them and that he was going slow and steady, meaning he was doing them more thoroughly. he didn't like that. he accused me of calling him slow and steady because he didn't have as many options. can't i just say things light-heartedly? that's a part of who i am.

anyway we made up, but i couldn't fall asleep till five. my guy friend im'ed me, and we ended up talking. it was blatently obvious that he was just horny, because everything he was saying to me was borderline dirty talk. he kept telling me how he "wished i was over so bad."

  • Him
    • i just really do want u here damnit!
    • lol
  • 8 hours ago
    • i see how it is! you wont hang out w me during daylight!

  • 8 hours ago
    • hahaha i was busy all day u dweeb
    • weekend duh
    • gotta do stuff at night
  • 8 hours ago
    • for three weeks!
  • 8 hours ago
    • do work during the day
  • 8 hours ago
    • yeah i used to fit into that equation once upon a time lol
  • Him
    8 hours ago
    • ugh haha u know we're going to
    • :(
  • 8 hours ago
    • no worries
i feel like he only talks to me when he's horny or drunk. honestly, makes me feel shitty and worthless. what about caring about me as a friend? i treat my friends like gold, and how he treats me just isn't right. i deserve more than this.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

girls will be girls

yes, i know it's only saturday night, but i really need to buckle down and get work done. i have so much to do, and i don't want my course load to take advantage of me. i've tried to start doing my homework, but i just have too much on my mind, so i figured that if i let it all out i'll be able to focus. here's a recap of my last few days

thursday: i have THREE career fairs, but i secretly like networking. everyone has to be nice to each other. everyone is on their best behavior. everyone is FAKE, but it's kind of awesome. it's like the ideal world. it keeps me busy and keeps my mind off of things. i really hope i get an awesome internship for next summer. my top three chocies are 1) deloitte 2) p&g 3) either target or cardinal health. i hope i get one of those. i do work really hard.

friday: i had another career fair. i came back and relaxed. two of my roommates, let's call them meg & paula have become really close, because me and my fourth roommate michelle have been so busy. michelle went home this weekend, so it's just been the three of us. meg & paula have been kind of cliqueish because they've spent some time together. it's really awkward trying to fit in.

w.e. anyways we ended up having a little get together. my friend david came over. i hadn't seen him since last thursday. it was just like last year. we were flirty and touchy. ugh just such a mess. by midnight we were almost sober. we went down to the second floor of my building to see the pool table and it was just us two for the first time in months. we laughed and messed around  and it felt so right. then my friend called me from my apartment and made us come back. he texted me right after he left for the night around 1:30 and we texted till 4:00. paula got  pretty smashed. it was slightly amusing, because the rest of us were pretty sober. haha

saturday: today's been chill. our friend from high school was over. we grabbed some food and then decided to go to the dollar store, because meg & paula wanted to buy puzzles. i thought we were going to do them together, but they started buying them in pairs and talking in inside secrets. it was just awkward and made me feel like i didn't belong. i know they probably don't know they're doing it.

now here i am. it's hw time. woo woo.