#1 yesterday i went to the library and hung out with my guy friend. everything was just freakin' like last year. we came back to my place and hung out till 2 am. seriously, why am i so stupid/easy? he's treated me like shit, right? after one day i'm putty in his hands. i am so weak. i keep trying to think of things to say to defend myself when people, like my roommates, ask me why i'm hanging out with him after crying/complaining/and talking about him, but there is no solid defense for what i'm doing. I KNOW IT, BUT I CAN'T STOP! why am i soo incredibly dumb? gah...it'll probably getting shitty again. expect the worst. hope for the best.
#2 i'm going to india for three weeks over winter break. lot's of mixed feelings here.
the positive:i haven't seen my dad's parents in forever. i love them, and i love madras
now is one of the only times i'll be able to go & i haven't gone since 2007
i feel like if i don't go now, i will regret this in the future.
the negative
i've never traveled by myself, yet alone in a foreign country and five different planes
i'm going to miss seeing my wife and my boyfriend
i have to visit my mom's parents in calcutta. i hate calcutta and it's just going to be five awkward days
i'm going to miss christmas, and i'll be really out of it for new years
ah, i don't know how i feel right now...
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