so this "guy friend" is really the cause of all of my problems. i honestly don't even want to talk about this, but i think it'll help me out in the long run. i'll just call him david.
i met david at the start of my sophomore year. i was going to a highlighter party with one of my school friends, "helga." as soon as i opened this door, the tan muscular guy i had seen in helga's recent facebook album popped out of now where and started talking to me. "alright, ill let this guy prove to me he isn't the deuche he appears to be." we chatted for a bit, but helga had a game plan. she wanted to get with him. the obvious way to kill my connection with David was to ask when my boyfriend was visititng. typical helga move, but nbd.
at the party i witnessed some extreme ass grabbing. so much for not judging a book by its cover. this kid was a deuche. i mean, he wrote his name in capital letters at the bottom of my white shirt, was so wasted and high, and kept pulling up his shirt to show off his tan six pack. cool.
whatever, i add him on facebook, and a few days letter invited helga, him and some other people over to my apartment. he didn't really give helga the attention she was craving. actually, he spent most of his time talking to me.
things started to change quickly. he started telling me all the time about how pretty i looked or how sweet i was. he spoke like he was reading off quotes from the notebook all the time, but i'm a sucker for all that shit.he told me he liked me. he knew i had a boyfriend. everyone around us could feel the energy between us. it was so obvious. i had been played so many times, and i needed to know what his deal was, so i talked to his bestfriend. his bestfriend said great things about him, but did warn me that at times he could be a bit of a player. he was looking out for me. he didn't want me to get hurt.
i decided we could continue our relationship and keep it completely platonic. how dumb was i? we spent more and more time together. we texted non-stop, and we facebook messaged for hours. this train couldn't be stopped. a crash was imminent.
one day we were just chilling in his room and i have no idea what happened, but he started to kiss on me. i freaked out, cried, and went home. i didn't kiss him back, but i felt like a complete cheater. for some reason, this train kept going even after the crash? our relationship defied logic and rationality.
however, it was taking a toll on my long distance relationship. i was so confused. this kid was a complete sweet heart. he treated me so well and said the nicest things. he always made me feel beautiful and special, which isn't really my boyfriend's strength. the abs were just the cherry on top. i started second guessing my choice to be with my high school sweet heart. i can't believe our relationship made it through all those months.
my boyfriend and i fought numerous times about him, but my boyfriend is very easy going, and him and david ended up being friends until the second time david got very agressive with me. now my boyfriend pretty much despises david but respects my choice to be friends with him.
here i am. its summer. i don't know what to think. i thought david really cared about me, but we barely talk, and when we do we're usually fighting. i guess its out of sight out of mind for him. i guess that's ok, but if he really loved me like he told me a million times, would this be happening? if you love someone, should something like distance make you forget them? it hasn't made me forget or stop thinking about him.
actions speak louder than words. based on his words he cares about me more than anyone else in the world. based on his actions i'm worthless. he wont spend 10 mins skyping with me. he wont take 5 minutes to call me. he wont take 30 seconds to text me "bye," while i spend time sitting around and texting him, writing him letters, making him friendship bracelets, and writing about him here.
why am i a complete idiot? snap out of it.
i've mentioned how my worst fear is caring about someone more than they care about me, and here i am feeling that way about someone who told me that they will always care deeply about me a million times.
lies.
i can't help but feel like i've been played. maybe my initial judgement of dueche was right.
no, i don't really believe that, but maybe if i keep telling myself that i will believe it eventually, and it'll all get easier.
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