alone in a crowded room

i guess this three day weekend is coming to an end. overall, it was good & it was bad. i constantly had people over, but for some reason i just feel so alone. i feel like all the relationships i have here are just very light hearted. i miss my parents. i miss my boyfriend. i miss having my guy friend be my best friend. mostly i miss my wife. she ACTUALLY listened to me. very few people care about what you have to say. i have been talking to people, but i feel like i'm either hassling them or it's just in one in and out the other.


i want to cuddle. i want to have girl talk. i want a best friend. i want to have someone here who truly cares about me. maybe that's just too much to ask for sometimes.


oh! although my boyfriend did something very cute...

the fourth to last and last comment were from one of his high school teachers. sweet, huh? when i think about my boyfriend i just smile. and that's how someone you love should make you feel, right?


i really like this quote:


"What we have is a great love. It's complicated. Intense. All-consuming. No matter what we do and how much we fight, it'll always pull us in. What's mere happiness in the face of all that, right?"


i don't know how i feel about that question. my relationship with my boyfriend is very easy, but that isn't to say we haven't gone though our hardships. at the same time, i don't know if it's a "great" love. sometimes i just feel like were really close friends. i guess it's normal for passion to fade after a few years. i mean the friendship piece is more important in the end. sometimes i used to think with my guy friend i could have had a more "intense" love, but clearly now that he's "over me" i'm not worth his time or effort as much. our friendship wasn't that strong. 


maybe all loves start out as "great" loves that are all-consuming and then mellow out to be happy, light loves. i mean, having a "great" love all the time would be way too emotionally exhausted.


who knows? not me! i'm only 20 years old kid, right?